


Samson

by pleasant_grendel



Series: Samson/Rhiannon [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Angst, Deanna Winchester - Freeform, F/F, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Genderbending, Genderswap, Season Finale, Season/Series 08, girl!Cas, girl!Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-10
Updated: 2013-10-10
Packaged: 2017-12-29 01:06:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/999053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pleasant_grendel/pseuds/pleasant_grendel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the fall Castiel is left alone with only one thing on her mind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Samson

**Author's Note:**

> Contains spoilers for the season 8 finale. I started writing this immediately after watching it. The companion piece for this is "Rhiannon". They're both parallel to each other so it doesn't matter which one is read first. This fic is named after and inspired by Regina Spektor's song "Samson".

_“The history books forgot about us and the bible didn’t mention us, not even once…”_

 

“Deanna!” Castiel tried to scream, but no sound could escape her.  She stood firmly on the ground with her eyes fixated on the sky.  The angels, her brothers and sisters, were falling and there was nothing she could do to fix this.  Castiel was upset.  She had never felt this helpless before.  Her mind was racing through all of the things that had gone wrong, all of the things she could have done to prevent this, always coming back to the Winchesters, always back to Deanna.  _Deanna!_   The angel began to panic.  She closed her eyes tightly and clenched her fist, hoping that when she released she would appear in front of the hunter.  This worked to no avail and Castiel was beginning to realize that she was an angel no more.  _How am I going to find her?_  Castiel felt a tear run down her cheek.  While brushing it away she thinks of Deanna.   Castiel thinks of a memory that happened not too long ago, but was something she tried not to think about.

 

 

* * *

 

Deanna Winchester stands in a motel bathroom staring at her reflection in the mirror.  In her hand she is holding a pair of scissors she happened to find in the impala’s trunk.  Everything was going to Hell.  The apocalypse was happening tomorrow and Deanna had always wanted to try out short hair.  If she didn’t cut it now, she might miss out on a good look for her (plus having long, sandy hair was impractical for the hunting life).  Scissors in her right hand, Deanna grabbed a chunk from her bangs, but couldn’t bring herself to make the first cut.  “Damn it, Winchester!” she whispered.  “It’s just hair.  It’ll grow back.” _But what if it doesn’t?_   Deanna sighed, leaning on the counter.  She didn’t understand why this was so difficult.

“Are you alright?”  Deanna jumped, dropping the scissors in the sink.

“Cas!”  She looked at the angel for a moment, wanting to proceed with usual scold and rant about personal space, sneaking up on people, etc., but instead hugged the angel tightly.  “I’m so glad to see you.”

“Deanna?”  Castiel didn’t hug back making it easy for Deanna to look up at her.

“Can you do me a favor, Cas?”  She grabbed the scissors and placed them in Castiel’s hand.  “Help me with this?”

 

“You want me to cut your hair?”  Castiel looked down at the old pair of scissors in her hand.

“Yeah, it always gets in the way while I’m fighting.  Plus I bet I’d look real good with short hair.”

“I quite like your hair, Deanna.” 

Deanna ran a hand through her locks, “Yeah, well…” She sat on the hotel bed gesturing for Cas to come join her.  Castiel looked around the hotel room before sitting on the bed behind Deanna.

“Where’s Samantha?”

“She’s…” Deanna hung her head.  She told herself it was so Cas had a better angle at her hair, but, of course, that wasn’t true at all. “…She’s gone out, Cas.  She…”

“Did she say ‘Yes’?”  Deanna turned around to look at Castiel.  Her eyes were glossy.

“Yeah, yeah she did.”  She swallowed hard turning back.  “But you know what?  We’re gonna win this.  You and me… and, uh, Bobby.”

Castiel placed her hand gently on Deanna’s shoulder.  “We will.  How should I do this?”

“Just grab a chunk and gank it off.”

“Alright, then.” Castiel began snipping away at Deanna’s hair.  It was dry with many split ends.  Perhaps a cut was a good idea.  Castiel never thought much about her own hair.  When she took Jamie Novak as a vessel, the dark brown almost black locks were tied into a tight bun at the nape of her neck.  Over time the bun loosened leaving stray strands framing Castiel’s face adding to her overall disheveled appearance.  Castiel thought maybe she should get a haircut too.  Deanna was right about the convenience of short hair.

During the cutting of hair Deanna sat with her legs crossed on the bed, shoulders slumped over and her head and hanging low.  Castiel sat and ended up kneeling on the bed to better cut the top of Deanna’s hair.  The hotel room was dimly lit and only one of the crappy lamps was turned on, but Castiel still managed not to cut off Deanna’s ear.  The whole thing took about five minutes or so and it was done in silence except for the near rhythmic snipping sound.  “I’m finished.”

“Cool.”  Deanna turned around and saw the long pieces of her hair on the comforter and some on the floor.

“Let me.”  Castiel got up and picked up all the pieces then headed to the bathroom to throw them away.  When she had come back Deanna was still on the bed rubbing her head.  “Is it alright?”

“Yeah, Cas.”  Deanna replied quietly.  “Pretty good, actually.  Couldn’t have done better myself.  A bit rough and fuzzy, but that’s nothing we can’t fix later with an electric razor.”

“Good, then I’ll be on my way.”

“Cas, no!”  Deanna shouted out, reaching for the angel.  Castiel looked back, her eyes wide with confusion.

“I mean…” Deanna sat back into a pillow.  “Can you, maybe, stay with me for a while?  Please?”  Castiel nodded and took her place on the bed next to Deanna.

“I don’t sleep.”

“I know.  I don’t need you to sleep. I just…” Deanna sighed, “…I would really like you to be here with me.  I need your company.”

“Alright” Castiel leaned back and put her arm around Deanna.  She felt like this was invasive, yet Deanna did tell her to sit with her.  Castiel looked down at Deanna and saw that she had tears rolling down her cheeks.

“Deanna, what’s wrong?  Do you not like your hair?”

“No, Cas.  The hair’s great.”  Deanna wiped a tear away with her thumb. “It’s awesome.  I dig it.”  She looked up at Castiel.  When Deanna cried it was always either silent, in secret so no one knew, or it came accompanied with yelling and anger.  This kind of crying was closer to the former and Castiel knew that she might not wish to discuss what was making her upset.  So she decided to leave it alone and just sit with her.

They laid there in silence for what felt to Castiel like a small eternity, but she knew that when Deanna was ready to talk she would and she had known from watching the Winchesters that trying to force things only made them worse.

“She said ‘Yes’” Deanna choked.  “She fucking said ‘Yes’”

“There was nothing you could do to stop her.”

“Oh, Cas you of all people should know that that’s bullshit.  I could have stopped all of this!”

“Deanna, you couldn’t have-”

“Yes, I could’ve…”  Castiel thought Deanna would start yelling, but she stayed quiet.  “I could have stopped this from the very beginning.  I should have left Sam at school.  I should have let her live her life.  She had everything going for her and I fucked it all up.”

“Deanna, no matter what you and Samantha would have found your way back into each other’s lives.  It was fated.”

“Yeah, well, fuck fate.” Deanna sniffed.  “I just wished I could have kept her safe.  That’s my whole purpose: to keep Sammy safe.”

“No, it isn’t, Deanna.  You are more than your sister’s keeper.” Castiel shifted her body so that she and Deanna were facing each other.  Deanna tried to turn away but Castiel caught her face with her hand.  “Listen to me.  You do all you can for your family, you always have and you always will.  I know how you feel.  You need to learn to forgive yourself.”  Deanna blinked, her eyes widened not knowing what to say.

“This really does feel different.”  Deanna scoffed as she rubbed the place on her head where her hair met the back of her neck.  Castiel looked at her with fierce eyes.  “Okay, maybe you’re right."

Deanna seemed so small to Castiel in that moment.  She seemed so broken and Castiel knew if she could help it she would never have to see Deanna like this ever again.

"You are a righteous woman, Deanna Winchester.  Please know that."  Castiel kissed Deanna's brow lightly, nearly shaking.  She had wanted to do that for long time now, but could never quite bring herself to be so bold.  Deanna looked up at her angel with glossy eyes quickly brushed her lips on Cas’ cheek and planting a trail of lazy kisses down the angel’s neck until she was back in her cradled position.  Castiel was stunned, her heart was beating more rapidly than she could ever remember.  She looked down at Deanna seeing that her eyes were now shut and the tears were slowly disappearing.

 

Deanna slept moderately sound except for a few incomprehensible, silent mutters and groans.  Castiel held Deanna the whole night, humming Enochian hymns to pass the time.  As the sun rose its light fell through the dirty motel window, illuminating Deanna’s face and hair.   Her skin looked golden and Castiel saw flecks of fire in her hair.  She looked replenished and strong.  Castiel stared at the hunter when she was thrown off guard by a low moan and opening of Deanna’s eyes.

“Hey, Cas.” She mumbled.  Castiel smiled weakly.  “You’re still here?”

“Of course, Deanna.”  The hunter grinned, closing her eyes, snuggling back into Cas.  The two laid there for several more hours until Deanna woke up and things fell back to chaos.

 

***

 

Although the sparks of fiery angels fell from the sky, Castiel felt completely drenched in darkness.  She thought about Deanna’s glowing skin and her joking smirk.  Her heart sank into her stomach.  _How am I going to find you?_   And while every fiber of her vessel was screaming for her to move, to start her search, she could only stand there and look up into the night in anguish.

_“…You are my sweetest downfall.  I loved you first.”_

**Author's Note:**

> As always thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed.


End file.
